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You kow you are greek when...
... you make frappe before leaving home, when getting to the office, after lunch, when having guests, before the guests leave, after the guests leave and before going to bed.
... when shops have a sale they call your mom.
... you still have clothes that you used to wear when you were five stored in suitcases.
... you call an older person you've never met before "Thio" or "Thia".
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... you hide everything from your parents, but they still think they know everything about you, and make you believe that they actually do.
... you learn how to beg the personnel at the airport to allow the excess baggage you've got as soon as your father stops doing that for you.
... when you arrive home you find 20 people waiting for you at the airport.
... you always curse at Greeks and then when you travel to Europe or the States you only make Greek friends.
... when you come back from college you still have to live with your parents, and fight over curfew all over again, as if you never left them before.
... your relatives alone could populate a small city.
... everyone is a family friend.
... you fight over who pays the dinner bill.
... you teach Europeans/Americans swear words in your language.
... when you go on a date you start thinking of places that you never thought of before to avoid family or family friends. You end up in a lousy place and still bump into the relative with the biggest mouth.
... you think you are liberated when you can't even smoke in public.
... if you are 25 and not married yet, your parents make you feel that you are getting too old.
... getting married becomes the only way you could escape your parents.
... you tell your friends how to rebel against their parents when you can't stay out past midnight.
... you always say "Open the light" instead of "Turn on the light".
... you ask your dad a simple question and he tells you a story of how he had to walk miles just to get to school with no shoes.
... you're 5'4", can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day, but you still cry when your mother yells at you.
... your uncle owns a restaurant, has $300,000 in the bank, but still drives a '76 Monte Carlo.
... you share a bathroom with your 5 brothers, have no money, but drive a $45,000 Camaro.
... your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant and travel agent are all blood relatives.
... you have a relative that has done something that required the IRS to threaten him.
... your 2 best friends are your cousin and brother-in-law's brother-in-law.
... you are a card-carrying V.I.P at more than 3 dance clubs.
... despite the hair on your back, you still try to impress the ladies by wearing your "Just Do Me" tank top.
... at least 5 of your cousins live on your street.
... all 5 of those cousins are named after your grandfather.
... a high school diploma and 1 year of community college has earned you the title of "professor" among your aunts.
... you are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.
... if someone in your family grows beyond 5' 9", it is presumed his mother had an affair.
... there are more than 28 people in your bridal party.
... you netted more than $50,000 on your baptism.
... at some point in your life, you waited tables.
... 30 years after immigrating, your parents still say "Embros" when answering the phone.
... you are an adult and are forced to be with your family at midnight on New Year's Eve.
... upon meeting another Greek, one of your first questions is, "what church do you go to"?
... your grandmother/mother/aunt has a miracle cure for every ailment under the sun.
... you can name any or all of the gods on Mount Olympus.
... your mother or father still feel the need to tell you, "katse kala" in public.
... you have been hit with a "pandofla" or a "koutala" or a "lourithi".
... you can dance the kalamatiano, tsamiko or zebekiko without music.
... you or a family member have been photographed with a donkey.
... you must name your children after your parents, grandparents, or in-laws.
... you have at least 5 Maria's, 9 Dimitri's, 5 Niko's, 6 George's and 4 Yanni's in the family.
... you have ever heard the phrase, "Sto leo yia to kalo sou".
... your parents have ever made up the name of a street or store or tv show because they couldn't remember it or pronounce it.
... upon meeting another Greek you try to find out what village they're from.
... you have ever been threatened by a Greek School Teacher.
... you still get threatened by a Greek School Teacher even though you're 30 yrs old.
... you have been spanked by your friend's parents because your parents gave them permission to.
... you have a bottle of OUZO in your house right now.
... you know what a "komboloi" is.
... you know how to work a "komboloi".
... when you were younger and going on car trips you always had to sit on someone's lap in the front or back seat.
... you were ever threatened to be eaten by the "mavro pontiki" when you were little.
... someone in your family owns or works in any type of restaurant.
... you are surprised to learn that the local pet store does not sell goats.
... you can't understand why McDonald's rejected your idea for the "McFeta" Burger.
... your entire house is a needlepoint warehouse!
... you eat Vanilla with a spoon from the jar.
... you have at least 2 kitchens in your house and a lamb roaster in your backyard.
... your parents keep the unclaimed $$$$$ in old moth ball smelling coat pockets.
... at Weddings the karta (card) is determined on the amount of food, the type of band, if the couple is Greek and whether you are convinced the marriage will last.
... you make up your own Greco-American language : For e.g. Carro (car), Moovare (move), Wassemassini (washing machine), bassi (bus).
... you can always go to yiayia or papou to curse out your parents and all they do is soothe you and feed you karpouzi.
... you have been given the evil eye by your mother in public and/or the biting of the forefinger knuckle.
... you were the first one to get cable on your block, but the last to have it legally.
... you dread kissing everyone at family gatherings, because you wind up smelling like armpits at the end of the night.
... you've been embarrassed by Mom or Dad in stores because they expect the Greek discount and ask to waive the tax if they pay in cash.
If you know some other funny moments about living in Greece, send me an email! )
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